I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
