I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
