It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
