Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
