I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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