Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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