Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
