Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
