I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
