I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I forget how to act sober
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