girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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