alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Alive.
So much puke
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
