hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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