just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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