Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sorry about my life...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
