Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
