you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
