I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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