Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
