I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
