i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
