I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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