he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
