I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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