when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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