I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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