I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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