he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
