Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
