I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
