I think i peed on brittanys purse
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
