dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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