In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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