i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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