You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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