the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
