She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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