For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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