I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
