Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
