too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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