Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
