I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
