too bad you live with your parents still
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
