The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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