I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it hurts more in the daytime
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
