If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
