she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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