am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
