I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
