My first STD was from a foam party
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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