did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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