you didnt know i had herpes?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You don't make any sense
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