For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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