Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
