I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
