My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
