WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
