I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
