a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
