Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes