someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
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He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
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I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.