apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
ttyl tear gas
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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