You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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