dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
