sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
