My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
