His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
