John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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