cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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