I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
