Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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