There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
