Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We just shotgunned beers for America
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
